No Stone Left Behind

How to Prepare Your Pet Rock for Severe Weather

When the skies darken and the winds howl across the Great Plains, every member of your household needs to be ready—even those who don't eat, sleep, or breathe. Yes, we're talking about the most stoic of your companions: your pet rock. With severe weather events on the rise, it's crucial to ensure that your sedimentary, igneous, or metamorphic pals are not left out in the cold (or the tornado, or the flood).

Here’s the ultimate guide to ensuring your pet rock weathers the storm.  April 1, 2024 edition.

Building the Perfect Rock Shelter

• Location, Location, Location: Choose a spot away from windows to avoid any accidental shattering. Underneath the coffee table or inside an old shoe are prime real estate locations for a rock shelter.
• Comfort is Key: Ensure the shelter is lined with soft materials. Cotton balls or leftover bubble wrap provide the perfect cushioning against harsh vibrations from thunderstorms.
• Room with a View: Rocks appreciate a good view. Positioning the shelter near a small, framed picture of a mountain or quarry can keep morale high during stormy weather.

Severe Weather Gear for Your Rock

No pet rock should face severe weather without the proper gear. Here are a few must-haves:

1. Miniature Hard Hats: For falling debris during tornadoes. Bonus points for reflective stickers that make your rock visible in emergency lighting.
2. Life Jackets: Perfect for flood scenarios, ensuring your rock doesn't sink into mud or get swept away. Customizable options are available for particularly buoyant rocks.
3. Wind Chimes: Attach these to your rock’s shelter to provide a soothing melody during high winds, keeping your rock’s spirits up.

Rock Solid Emergency Training

Training is essential for helping your pet rock remain calm and collected. Here’s how to conduct a drill:

1. Start with a calm discussion about the types of severe weather your rock might encounter. Use simple terms; rocks appreciate brevity.
2. Practice moving to the shelter swiftly but without causing unnecessary alarm. A gentle slide is preferred to avoid scuffing.
3. Conduct mock drills using a small fan and spray bottle to simulate wind and rain. Observe your rock for any signs of erosion or wear.

Post-Storm Debrief

After any severe weather event, it’s vital to conduct a post-storm debrief with your pet rock. Check for any chips or cracks and address them with a comforting polish. Discuss what went well and what could be improved for next time. Remember, communication is key, even if it’s one-sided.

Conclusion

Preparing your pet rock for severe weather might seem like a light-hearted endeavor, but it underscores a crucial truth: preparedness is for everyone and everything under your care. This April 1, let’s not forget the silent, steadfast members of our households. By ensuring our pet rocks are ready to face whatever the skies throw our way, we demonstrate our commitment to comprehensive preparedness—no matter how solid our dependents may be.